Traveling Salesman Parody

Traveling Salesman Parody

If David was attempting to solve an np-complete problem rather than attempting to please a deity with a particular taste in chords.

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"Hallelujah"

I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to her kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Baby, I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

You know, I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And Love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Well, there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me, do you?

But remember, when I moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Maybe there's a God above

But, all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you?

And it's not a cry, that you hear at night

It's not somebody, who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Written by: Leonard Cohen, circa 1984 (though these are the Jeff Buckley cover's lyrics)

"Traveling Salesman Parody"

I heard there was some secret code,

The shortest path through every node,

But you don’t really care for theory, do you?

A logistics game we can’t outwit,

The benchmarks fail, heuristics split,

Factorials still thwart their execution

No conclusions, 

Just illusions,

And delusions 

of solutions…


The quixotic quest to compose a proof,

Permuted arcs, the nearest group,

Dynamic programs iterate reunions

Each new acyclic thoroughfare,

The Euler paths now in disrepair,

Just brute-force search and flummoxed institutions

Evolutions, 

Contributions, 

Attributions, 

no solutions…


My hard drive heats up every core,

The sequence log with weights to store,

New instances spin up in EC2 now,

The approximation that leaves me scarred,

The battle wounds of NP-hard,

When the simplex method yields no resolution

Try Fallujah

To Missoula

Tuscaloosa?

No solutions…


Professors deal another blow,

Notations with that noxious ‘O’

So algorithms won’t be misconstrued now

We pound the keys, we clear the cache,

And we find a new commit to stash,

Defenestrating laptops in effusion

Convolutions,

Substitutions,

Revolutions,

No solutions, 


With ML tools, we fall in love,

But all I’ve ever learned from GloVe

Is how to turn another GPU on

But it’s not a script that dev can write,

Like a problem set assigned in spite

Full of “edge”-case math and fat-tailed distributions

Retribution?

Restitution?

Absolution?

No solution

Written By: Evan Coopersmith & AE Studio

"Hallelujah"

I heard there was a secret chord

That David played and it pleased the Lord

But you don't really care for music, do you?

Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth

The minor fall and the major lift

The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Well your faith was strong but you needed proof

You saw her bathing on the roof

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

She tied you to her kitchen chair

She broke your throne and she cut your hair

And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Baby, I've been here before

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor

You know, I used to live alone before I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch

And Love is not a victory march

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Well, there was a time when you let me know

What's really going on below

But now you never show that to me, do you?

But remember, when I moved in you

And the holy dove was moving too

And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah


Maybe there's a God above

But, all I've ever learned from love

Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you?

And it's not a cry, that you hear at night

It's not somebody, who's seen the light

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Written by: Leonard Cohen, circa 1984 (though these are the Jeff Buckley cover's lyrics)

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