Traveling Salesman Parody
If David was attempting to solve an np-complete problem rather than attempting to please a deity with a particular taste in chords.
"Traveling Salesman Parody"
I heard there was some secret code,
The shortest path through every node,
But you don’t really care for theory, do you?
A logistics game we can’t outwit,
The benchmarks fail, heuristics split,
Factorials still thwart their execution
No conclusions,
Just illusions,
And delusions
of solutions…
The quixotic quest to compose a proof,
Permuted arcs, the nearest group,
Dynamic programs iterate reunions
Each new acyclic thoroughfare,
The Euler paths now in disrepair,
Just brute-force search and flummoxed institutions
Evolutions,
Contributions,
Attributions,
no solutions…
My hard drive heats up every core,
The sequence log with weights to store,
New instances spin up in EC2 now,
The approximation that leaves me scarred,
The battle wounds of NP-hard,
When the simplex method yields no resolution
Try Fallujah
To Missoula
Tuscaloosa?
No solutions…
Professors deal another blow,
Notations with that noxious ‘O’
So algorithms won’t be misconstrued now
We pound the keys, we clear the cache,
And we find a new commit to stash,
Defenestrating laptops in effusion
Convolutions,
Substitutions,
Revolutions,
No solutions,
With ML tools, we fall in love,
But all I’ve ever learned from GloVe
Is how to turn another GPU on
But it’s not a script that a dev can write,
Like a problem set assigned in spite
Full of “edge”-case math and fat-tailed distributions
Retribution?
Restitution?
Absolution?
No solution
Written By: "Weird Ev" Coopersmith & AE Studio
"Hallelujah"
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Baby, I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Well, there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember, when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
But, all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you?
And it's not a cry, that you hear at night
It's not somebody, who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Written by: Leonard Cohen, circa 1984 (though these are the Jeff Buckley cover's lyrics)
